Category Archives: The Real Dirt

Update On My Book!

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Hey everyone I know it’s been a while so I wanted to let you all know I have a great new editor I’m working with now to help me take the book from good to great! I’m also looking for representation so any agents reading this HIT ME UP!

Here is a teaser from my book flap copy in the meantime:

“When Michael and his partner, Horace “Big Mac” McKenna, started three major LA strip clubs, the Woods moved into a beautiful new home. They bought nice clothes and fancy cars, and Laurel and her sister, Katie, enrolled in a Catholic middle school. But at the age of 12, Laurel felt confused by spending her weeks with nuns and her weekends with strippers. Whichever way Laurel turned, it seemed like sex was dirty and her body something to be ashamed of.”

Thanks for holding on, I promise it’s worth the wait!

The Worst Trip Of My Life…Ibiza 2000

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The dreaded foam parties

So as most of you know, I like to travel…A LOT. People often ask me what my favorite location is and it’s hard to choose – Egypt, Tunisia, Botswana, Thailand, Antarctica? Each one has its own special place in my heart. But people never seem to ask me the worst place I’ve traveled to, so I thought I’d share my story. Continue reading →

Tampaws!

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Susan and me in Cuba!

When I left NYC and moved back to LA, I was homeless for the first year. If I wasn’t traveling, I would stay with my mom or with my new bestie Susan. Susan was my first boss ever, at Playboy, and I loved staying at her house. She had four bedrooms all to herself, a big back yard and three cats, Coco, Maggie and Eli. Coco was the mom and Maggie and Eli were her sons. Susan’s first vet thought Maggie was a girl, hence the name. She’d make me coffee in the morning and we’d chat in the kitchen with birds chirping and the sun shining. Life was so carefree. Continue reading →

Transitioning My Back Massager Into A Vibrator…

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I’ve been plagued with back problems my whole life. I got diagnosed with scoliosis at 14 when I struggled doing backbends and anything arabesque in my ballet classes. It was like watching an ironing board doing front handsprings in a gymnastics class. My back just wouldn’t bend. In order to balance out my back deficit I over compensated by being extremely flexible in my hamstrings. I could do the splits all three ways and I even measured my straddle split out at 185 degrees. Take that! But my flexibility only added to my back problems because my lower back and hips were so loose, I was in constant lower back and hip pain even in my teens.

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I Traveled Across the Globe to Antarctica and Carrie Fisher Died

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December started off with a bang. I went to the Lucasfilm holiday party with my friend Kimberly. We had a ball, I saw old friends, met some new ones and even saw the Rogue One cast. Then I took a National Geographic cruise to Antarctica. It was a magical experience. Every time I looked out my window I saw humpback whales, killer whales, penguins, seals and enormous icebergs. I took part in the polar plunge with 96 other guests by jumping into the Southern ocean, all 30 degrees fahrenheit of it. I had to be pulled out quickly by the crew as I began to hyperventilate. So much for my future in extreme cold water diving. Continue reading →

My Medical Marijuana Card!

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When I was in high school and college, I smoked my fair amount of pot. Today I believe they call it weed. It made me antisocial and paranoid. I would get a horrible case of the munchies and eat things like a six-pack of twinkies dipping them into a quart of sour cream. No really. My first year at UC Santa Barbara, I lived across the hall from a woman named Julie who was a “wake and baker.” She drove a Camaro and her license plate said HVYMTLR.

This pretty much summed us up Freshman year:

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Practicing Sober October

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So as some of you “may” know, I love to drink! Yay! It’s fun, it tastes so good! I feel great! But sometimes I feel like I overindulge so I decided to practice Sober October this year. Also as I’ve gotten older I notice my body doesn’t recuperate as easily and the added calories don’t disappear as quickly.  Oh and my trainer was getting really frustrated with my lack of weight loss.

This is me practicing Sober October in NYC and at the end of the month I was able to wear a slinky Slave Leia costume:

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Pops and Parole – What Does It All Mean??

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mugshotI woke up on a Thursday morning remembering that Dad’s parole hearing was taking place at that moment. We’d all been preparing for the last couple of years – hiring Dad’s parole attorneys (he was now on his fifth), gathering countless boxes of legal paperwork, organizing letters of support for his release, coaching him on the IRR’s (insight, responsibility and remorse.) Based on what I’d heard about parole hearings, I didn’t expect Dad to be released first time around, just like in Shawshank Redemption when the inmates keep getting denied. Man I loved that movie.

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